first come first...to those who had tot i wud become instructor...to the many ppl out there...thx fer ur support...but i let ur down le...no...not an instructor anymore...to those who got in...congratulation...

ya...firstly i wanted to be an instructor becos it was mi dream being one...goin ltc is an honour...ya...bein instructor k go obs...ya...now i cant liao...ya...not bein egoistic...but i tink i k be a leader lolx...the expected alwaes turn unexpected...while the unexpected turn into expected...

todae entry...those hu r involve dun take to heart...it might juz becos of fustration...

todae ltc leaders announced...i super devastated,disappointed,sad,moodless...ya...din got in it...lolx...when they announce the last person...i super sad la...wanted to cry but din...ya...lolx...ten we stood up...elaine hit mi...lolx...so i sae the final stuff which is thxin cheif asst chief n leaders...most likely will be the last time i say it...[tears forming liao]...lolx...those ppl down there clapped...ya...could fill mi eyes hot...ya...went back to klass...walk abt...wanted to go music rm but din...saw chenya[leader] turned away...many ppl too...i din want to tok...was super sad...so went back to klass, sat at a corner,tinkin...rachel came n sae:"marion dun sad la...cheer up...its biasness la"...lolx...heard n cried under the umbrella...dunno why...ppl tok to mi...like keet, aisha[dunno how to spell]...juz cried la...lolx...went to toliet n locked miself fer 15mins...ten the toliet door was stuck couldnt get out...apparently it broke...haha...ya...ten went to robotics rm there...ya...couldnt get it...predicted tt i wud cry if i went in...lolx...so watch the npcc doin drills...ya...saw chief decided to turn away cos i couldnt bear to c any ltc ppl...went to c sec1s...saw sining...ya...i shouted congrtulations frm 2nd lvl...lolx...cud juz feel the tears...ya...she asked mi smiled...ya...din want show her i cry ma...so turn to the wall...haha...strolled down the corridors later...sat on the thingy...ten the cleaner call mi to go down...they tot i wanted commit suicide...lolx...ten tot...

"why din they choose mi?"

came out with tis solutions

-i'm lousy
-no leadership traits
-they hate mi to the core
-like rachel said...they r bias...
-i screwed the interview

hmmmm...bias...no one in guides got in except sining...the ppl i noe who will get in got in...ya...there was oso ppl who din realli tok even durin ltc got in too...ya...lolx...i was damm fustrated...lolx...i did so many thing...the flag...i brought home put poles...i came out the cheers...lolx...they din want to choose mi fine la...ten in the first place i shdnt be emcee wad since they tink i'm lousy...lolx...u noe it really hurts...like...if i wasnt emcee...it wud show i'm lousy therefore din get in...but ten i was the emcee...lolx...sumitra got in...ya...but why din i?fault with mi or wad...it hurts la...to c ppl noein u...comin n tel u...u sure get in...ya...ppl got in was np,ncc,red cross,all the prefects n psls,n others...hmmmmm...i mean...not realli all r gd rite...some so quiet...i;m not jealous la...i'm juz disappointed...ya...prefects psls...not realli all gd wad...ya...is zit becos they r leaders liao...so they be instructors at ltc...ya...n other ppl who din tok much oso get in...wahx...i oso dunno la...gd leaders r those who r fair,capable,responsible,being able to lead,understandin...ya...this are wad traits of leaders...wad our leaders want us to have when we r leaders...yet if they really were bias...why r they leaders in the first place...i dun udstd...ya...maybe other gd ppl like mi not chosen oso...i rather them to be chosen ten mi...ya...

i feel damm sad la...saw pearlyn...went to her...lolx...cried again...ya...sec2s saw mi cry...i oso dunno la...basically...why did they choose mi to be the emcee?...lolx...though i will carry on the ltc spirit in mi in oac...it takes lotta work to forget...maybe a normal camper will let it pass...but its hard fer mi...to know tt ppl support mi to be one,knowin frens are one...ya...its hard to accept la...even if i forget...it will leave a scar in mi...ya...its one of mi sadess day in life...ya...i'll try to cheerup...ya...basically...if they were gd leaders...will they choose like tt...do they fit the bill...if u r gd...ppl respect u...it not worth bein any leader if ppl dun respect u...ya...lolx...they r mi leaders...i respect them...but if they were gd n had experience more ten us they wudnt be so bias wad...lolx...juz hope tt it some other reason la...

juz wonder...wonder...lolx...i;m juz a useless person after all...